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thefalling87
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Name: D.Jay
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: St. Louis
Birthday: 10/7/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Coldplay, spoon, embrace, keane, death cab, snow patrol, postal service, muse, damion rice, ben folds, gorrillas, weezer, and ben kweller are my top choices in music.
I like to read. Read: blue like jazz, little britches, cost of discipleship, every young mans battle, and all the great brain books.
watch: Life is beautiful, Sgt Bilko, What about Bob, Beautiful Mind, Invisible Children, Hotel Rwanda...if you havnt already seen them
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  thefalling87
Member Since:
3/18/2005
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| Maybe Jesus does not really know who I am. He loves me. I look for grace hoping I'll see it and it is there again. And as always I realize that it is not I but Jesus that is the reason for Jesus loving me. It is a reckless love He must have for me. Coming again and then again calling, running, whispering, singing, laughing me home to God. Im left, truthfully speaking, feeling very guilty and shameful that I would still be the recipiant of the Love of God, thinking to myself, "Oh, Jesus your love is so reckless". But I also hear the call of God and it calls for everything, which is rather exciting because it involves me in the only thing. But the cost is more than I can give..."really everything?" But everything is nothing unless its given to Him anyways, so more accurately He is asking for nothing and giving everything. His yoke is easy, His burden is light. But my flesh makes life like running through layers of saran wrap. I can see the goal, I can see the light of a life with Jesus, but getting there is like running through layers of saran wrap, or lots and lots of spider webs. I really do want that though, I really want that more than I even know. There is only one way to live, or else you aren't really even alive. I was created to glorify God through life and relationship, first with Him then with others. And in doing this we cannot help but build the church. Because chuch is about people gloriying God in relationship and community first with Him then with others. It seems so simple when I say it or hear it, and exciting. But then it is like running through saran wrap. And then I am tempted to quit. But how do you quit? Where do you quit to? I have been bought at a great price, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Only there, because we were created to be in the Spirit, designed in the image of God. I am fallen though...very much so, much more than I am comfortable with admitting to anyone but my closest friends and occasionaly myself. God, however foreknew, he foreknew both my sin and my righteousness. He foreknew the cost it would take to purchase me and foreknew my worth. He foreknew the things that I would do in His name and the things that I would destroy or hurt in mine. He knew if I would become something great or remain something insignificant. He knew if i would build a successful church or if I would spend my nights alone. Jesus foreknew my darkest days, He foreknew my most disgusting sin and my farthest fall. He knew the pit that I would call my home if He did not prepare one for me. Jesus knew the ways that I would hurt His children, poke fun at His church, and mock the sacrifice of the saints. My Father knew the ways I would run from home, squander my inheritance and then craw back crying to Him because I was broken. God foreknew my unfaithfulness to Him and He foreknew my lust. He knows Im a pathetic creature, He is well aware that I am a selfish jerk. He foreknew my sin! Why God!?! Why Jesus? Why Jesus? He foreknew things much worse than the ones I have listed about myself, He foreknew I contributed a full helping to the cup that He had to drink. He foreknew the price and he foreknew my worth. And I was worth it to Him. I was WORTH that cup to Him. Worth? as in Worthy? Only God is worthy, and the Worthy One loved me with ALL that He is and He is more than I can understand, even with and eternity to understand...I won't. God is the only being that has self worth. So God can stand alone, apart from all creation and have infinate worth. My worth is in God, and when I am bought by His very life (Jesus) I am adopted, I am related, I am a son and I have infanite worth, because my Father has infanite worth! That is amazing. Satan flees at that, he lusts after ways to hide that from us. I cannot let him do that to me. God foreknew me and counted the cost as nothing compared to my worth in Him, the cost was God himself, I have infanite worth in a God who has infanate worth. What an awesome God that I serve, angels bow before Him, heaven and earth adore Him, what a mighty God that I serve! He can have me (understatment of a lifetime)! I have found life, in His death, I have found freedom in His spirit, I have found purpose in my God! What else can offer life, freedom, and purpose? Obviously nothing. I love You Jesus, more than I know! Have everything! You foreknew and You love me! What Awesome, reckless, wonderful Love! | | |
| It is finals week here at CIU. I find myself positioned crampedly at my desk in the library for about 12 hours....again. During these days where time flies when there is a need to study and stands still as you watch the clock longing for a break, I have found myself repeatedly wandering onto xanga and other such sites. Almost everytime I come, I find myself increasingly disappointed. People dont seem to have much new to say each time that I end up staring at the same screens and words that where there two hours ago. One more day. WOW | | |
| I was in the shower minding my own business. I had just gotten done playing indoor soccer and i was relaxing in the cool stream of water. It was wonderful. I reached up to the shelf and grabbed my facial wash, i extended my hand and poured it out onto my palm. A tiny, light brown spider jumped from the bottle of wash onto my hand. No big deal, i grew up in situations far, far worse than this. So i casually dumped the spider from my hand, flicking him towards the drain on the soaking floor. A minute later, i had resumed my comfortable shower experience and the spider and fluttered from my mind, i felt a tickeling feeling on my second to the smallest toe on my right foot. Just as i reach down to flick him from my foot, and this time be sure to end his fragile life, he proceeded to bight the junk out of my toe...in the shower, while water was pouring down on him. One drop from that shower is half the size of his body. He was a brave little bugger, but he picked the wrong battle to fight. Too bad my toe is aching... | | |
| Everyone give me one reason | | |
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